Fertility treatments stink...

Well, round two of fertility treatments with Clomid and Ovidrel resulted in a negative pregnancy test.  I didn't have high hoped for that cycle because of the timing with Hurricane Irene and out power being out.  The Ovidrel shot has to be refrigerated, and that wasn't happening as consistently as I hoped because we couldn't run the generator constantly.  So, hopefully this round will be better. Done the Clomid already, and I just had the Ovidrel shot.  Now it's just the waiting game... I don't know how many people are actually reading my blog, but whoever may be doing so, if you could just take a couple minutes and pray for us.  This has been emotionally draining since the beginning.  I can't believe that it was nearly a year ago that I was told I had PCOS.  In the meantime, as I sit and hope that a baby is in the works, I'm just trying to keep an upbeat attitude!  Here's hoping!

I thought this was supposed to be easy...

Well, Craig and I are getting ready to start round 2 of fertility treatments.  Round 1 was back in the beginning of June and resulted in a pregnancy. Sadly, the pregnancy terminated after six and a half weeks.  We may never know if it was purely chemical, an ectopic pregnancy, or if it was just a bad pregnancy.  Anyway, had I not started going for these treatments that wouldn't have happened.  It turns out that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which is genetic, in my case.  Because of this I produce more testosterone than I require and not enough estrogen.  The side effects, to be blunt, suck.  I look like a 13 year old because of all of the breakouts, and I am a complete psychopath.  Not how you want to feel when you are struggling to conceive... you aren't depressed enough that you can't perform the simplest function of the female body, so let's add hormonal mood swings and acne to the mix.  Nice. 

So, after letting my body rest and reset, and having a great vacation with my parents, brothers, and husband, we are ready to roll again.  So today I made some calls and set up my ultrasound and blood work for day 12 (or Ovulation Day, as I like to call it) and an HSG (hysterosalpingogram).  The HSG requires dye to be injected into the uterus and fallopian tubes and then watched via an x-ray machine.  This will determine if there are any blockages or abnormalities that we missed or couldn't be seen in the ultrasounds.  So that is next Wednesday and the ultrasound and bw is next Friday.  I still need to call and order my Ovidrel shot.  This is what makes me ovulate.  It requires an injection into my stomach by my belly button, and a trip to my parents' house, because my mom is the lucky one to give me the shot.

Going through all of the motions to set up the appointments is easy.  Right now, I'm nervous... it's unheard of to have Clomid treatments work after one cycle (only a 20% chance).  We were lucky the first time, what if it doesn't work this time... what if I do get pregnant and lose it again...  all of the "what-ifs" are conspiring to make me lose my mind.  I know that I am evil during the Clomid cycle as it is, but now I feel like this on top of it... We're in for a bumpy ride!  Prayers are always welcome, just know that if I bite your head off or I seem distracted... it's not you... it's the hormones!

It's been a while...

Well... I have been extremely lax in my posting... it's been over a year!  I admit. I am ashamed... Since I last posted so much has happened.  Here is a run down of the highlights (I'll delve into more later...):

• went to WDW again with Craig and had a blast
• Spencer swallowed a few chunks of a dog toy and had to have them surgically removed
• We had the first Brown family Halloween without decorating in a LONG time... it was stupid...
• Ryan performed in his first off-off Broadway play "Wake"... it was long and he was amazing!
• We spent New Year's with the Hriniak clan and had so much fun!
• March 8th marked my mom's One Year Survivor Anniversary... Cancer free!!!
• Hardwood floor was installed and the Hall bathroom was finished
• Craig's cousin got married in Baltimore
• We went to the Poconos with the Hriniaks again for the 4th of July
• Got to see Ryan in "La Dia de Los Muertos," his second off-Broadway show.  He was absolutely incredible... I am so proud of him!
• Spencer got sick again (it seems to be an annual phenomenon

I think that hits the biggest points... there were many others... 

Happy 4th of July!

Well... we finally made it! Craig will be home any time now from work and then we will get ready for a nice long weekend at the Lake with our friends! We are so lucky to have access to Lake Harmony. It is a gorgeous lake in the Poconos and our friends' parents have a place right on the lake! They have been willingly allowing all of us to us their place free of charge for years. This will be our first 4th and we have already been told that the fireworks on the lake are amazing! Lots of time in the sun, on the dock, and on the boat ahead! The best part of all will be seeing our niece, Keeley! We haven't seen her since January. She will be 1 in a couple weeks so those months without seeing her make a huge difference. She wasn't even crawling last time we saw her and now she is walking and getting into things. I just want to squeeze her! There will be pictures this time. I promise! Happy Fourth everyone!

Big Changes

Well... my cousin and her brood have come and gone. It was quite an experience. I think that it is going to be very different having our own children and dog roaming the house. It's always strange having people stay with you. Even if it is just for one night. BUT... I'm so happy they were here and I can't wait to see them again.

I took a big step last Monday... I resigned from my position at the church! I am no longer the Coordinator for Senior High Youth Ministry at Lord of Life... it's kind of bittersweet. I know that I did the right thing. There is absolutely no regret, but I do love my kids and I am going to miss them something awful! I will still see the majority of them at my job in the local high school, but it is very different to not be such a huge part of their lives and having them as a part of mine. I'm going to post a few pictures of some of the cool stuff we did this year. You know... just to make me feel a little guilty!

It's been a while

Well... I have been rather delinquent in my posting recently! A lot has been happening in our lives. My mom has been diagnosed with breast cancer, had a double mastectomy, and is currently halfway through her chemo treatments. I have had to worry about losing my job in a NJ public school because of budget cuts, and I have simultaneously had to care about all of the minutia that goes into working with special needs students without letting them know how much my world has been turned upside-down.

With all of this behind me now, I have seen that I really am much stronger than I ever knew. Amazing...

I have the greatest friends and family for support and guidance. So many of them have been great at listening or just helping to distract me when I start to get a little manic. The best friend of all, though, has been my husband. He really has been great at talking me through all of this (his mom had cancer about 5 years ago) and keeping things in perspective. He is one of the few people who knows the best way to talk me down from the ledge, so to speak. I love that man!

But now on to happier things! My cousin is coming tomorrow with her two girls!!! Abby has grown up so much since I last saw her in July. Evan is only a few months old so she is going to be a totally new experience for us in the house. I have done everything that I can think of to baby proof (or in this case toddler proof) the house. You never realize how dangerous you house is until there will be a curious 1.5 year old roaming around! I can't wait! SO for now, I will leave with this happy thought and hopefully have some pictures to post soon of all of the fun we'll be having this week!

All I Can Do is Pray!

So... I'm trying to pay it forward still.... Today my neighbor's burglar alarm went off and when no one shut it off, I called 911. I take this pretty seriously, especially since the hubster and I were robbed this year. I guess it's a start. In the meantime my professional life is in a tailspin! Education is taking a hit hard this year and the outlook is grim. A lot of my coworkers (and possibly myself) could be jobless! I have to remember that all I can do is pray and remember that everything happens for a reason.